The Grace That is You

‘What is grace?’ I asked God.

And She said,
‘All that happens.’

Then She added, when I looked perplexed,

‘Could not lovers
say that every moment in their Beloved’s arms
was grace?

Existence is my arms,
though I well understand how one can turn
away from

until the heart has

St. John of the Cross
Daniel Ladinsky, translation

Yesterday I walked the beach, talked with a friend, drove home, and picked up the house.  As I stood at the kitchen sink, a beloved song about freedom and letting go played on the stereo.  Out of the depths–with little warning–came the kind of sobbing that feels like puking. It came with such a violent force that I had to hold myself against the counter in order not to fall over.  The energy emerged from my heart and belly.  Some of it was released through my throat, but the vast majority of it moved down through my body as though out of the birth canal into the world.  I felt I was moving a dead body through my own and a new one all at once.

Many of us now find ourselves in a particularly poignant passage of life where much that is old is ending but the new hasn’t fully (or even partially) manifested.  I have given myself a number of experiences to mark this passage–most of them sweet and tender.  But recent days alternated between violent sobs and a profound sense of being cleaned out and utterly empty. Sometimes it is difficult not to take such intense energy passages personally, but they really aren’t. Even when old beliefs are exposed–stored trauma of experiences that were misinterpreted as evidence of our separation from Source–it is not personal. Life is holding you, it is holding me, though our minds would often like to argue to the contrary, particularly in the face of current collective dramas unfolding on the planet.

Most of what we are anticipating is just a faint whisper or a glimmer out of the corner of our eyes. We are guided now, by the most inner of our innermost knowings, to fully trust the unseen. The Sagittarius new moon (November 29) might normally hold a promise of the birth or emergence of new energies, but this moon will offer a bit of an elusive start.  The moon squares the nodes and Neptune and suggests a crossroads where nothing is particularly clear or defined.  You may feel tremendous and dreamlike possibility–and there is!–but also a sense of not being able to find your way through the fog. The presence of the nodal energy will require that any unresolved business from the past be attended to promptly before the particulars of the future can crystallize out of the ethers into the new world.  Though we may feel a sense of impatience or urgency–and the rules in many relationships will be shaken and stirred in this cycle–we are asked not to push, but rather allow the unfolding. Heartbeat by heartbeat we feel our way.  Some paths may prove untenable or illusionary, but as they dissolve, new ones will slowly appear.  Do not lose heart!

If I had words for the profundity of the shift that is now unfolding in the world, I would use them. But, more often than not, words completely fail me now. I will say this: you were born for this time. You came here to burn brightly with love, to shine the kind of light in our world that has not been seen in very, very long time. I am deeply honored to walk with you, to hold space for you, and to reflect back the grace that is you.


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